i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize