What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
