Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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