last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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