just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
