im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The Olympian is in my bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
