the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
