I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have fence marks all over my body
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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