i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
