woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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