at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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