Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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