I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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