This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
