just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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