Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
