just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
