i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
