just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize