considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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