Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
