As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
