is your mom at the bar?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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