but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How does it feel to date your dad?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
