You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
