2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
