do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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