I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
