Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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