i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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