Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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