Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
