It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize