But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
