Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
