If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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