Your dad touched me again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
