I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
