Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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