Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
