So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
