Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
