Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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