We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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