My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
