Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
