went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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