Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
