i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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