her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
