The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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