Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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