Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
