She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
