I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
