just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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