"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
