He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
