so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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