How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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