____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I forget how to act sober
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