My first STD was from a foam party
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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