Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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