my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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