Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
