all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize