if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
