She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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