I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
God, I missed his penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
