it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
