Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
