all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
