So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was born a porn star she said
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
