you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
