addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
