If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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