I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Houston, we have a blender
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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